Breadcrumbs. Money. Corrective lens

To you these words, or things, may mean too little or too much. To some others they’d have to do a little more minutes in thoughts to figure out ‘WHAT’.
I wish to say my life has transformed these past weeks but I’ve learnt to use words very carefully. It wasn’t until I was faced with some realities that I realized I didn’t know what love meant, what promising someone that you’d be there for them actually had in its package. Choose your words very carefully.

Here’s what to do before you choose your words, ‘choose your life’. When you choose your life you choose the ending, you choose the beginning, in any form of relationship. It’s rather sad to imagine someone promise what they do not have or never dream of having, though dreams are free. For instance, when I started this blog, I felt it was the best thing that could happen to me, at last this is another thing I could call mine and be proud of and it’d be a haven, a go-to, in those moments when I need to speak to someone or of a subject, solemnly or aggressively or with excitement. I failed to understand the details because if this blog is all of the things I felt it would be or even close, I’d bless you guys with me every single hour. I failed to understand that it is beyond me to make such a commitment. So my feelings deceived me because before you can feel proud of something else, no matter how attached you feel to it, you have to choose your life, in this case meaning being proud of your life. Before you can consider something else a haven you should have either considered your own inadequacies and or competencies and felt a vacuum or perhaps a satisfactory silo.

From last week I’ve been asked what my deepest fear(s) is(are). It was very interesting to find out that it was the first time I actually had to answer that question. In each instance, i answered with ‘nothing’, because, of course, if I was afraid of an idea or some sort of a subject I would have the singular responsibility to understand what that fear meant to me in that essence ‘choosing my life’, ‘choosing my fears’.

I guess choices come with full understanding, responsibilities, confusion, more than enough tweaks in familiar walls and or banisters. In your choice of words, actions, thoughts, please choose your life. Some say the most selfish individuals are the happier ones but if you share a similar thought pattern like I do you’d understand happiness differently and be scared at the mention of it.

Breadcrumbs. Money. Corrective lens. Believe it or not, these are the three things in my life I fully understand. The only things that make complete sense. I can boldly say I love them and not shirk in discharging my duties of loving them in this case. I wish I could as much as retract all the steps I have taken, everything I have done without a full understanding, without the initial choosing of my life, yet a deeper part of my stubbornness feels they were meant to be,meant to happen, meant to cease, meant to begin, meant to stay so I’d carefully ignore.

Don’t make commitment you can’t keep. Everything is good, I tell you. EVERYTHING. But UNDERSTAND, KNOW, be in for it FOR IT and nothing else. Life is not meant to be easy but it’s easier this way. Choose your life before moving out of it. LOVE YOURSELF, APPRECIATE OTHERS! ESSY SCRIPTS!


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