When EssyChrist invited me to guest-write on her blog, I was torn between multiple choices. I finally decided on an aspect of “the male logic”; specifically that of some married men. I was inspired by the #InTheDm series on Facebook .A typical #InTheDm message goes like this;
“Hi, you are a very beautiful and intelligent young woman. You have this thing in you that my wife lacks. I wish we could hang out some time.”
The message started off well because c’mon! A girl cannot hear that she is beautiful enough. I literally force compliments out of my family whenever I dress up so it is cool to get it from a random stranger. However, the problem here was why he had to demean his wife in an attempt to get the lady’s attention. At this point, one would have to be absolutely naïve to not get this man’s motive. He basically wants her to be his side piece because his wife has lost the “it” factor.

This is how most marriages go. The man meets the woman at university or work, they tie the knot, they start a family, the woman has to stay at home most often because of her biological responsibility, the man keeps working, eventually his status rises to the extent where “he can solely provide for the family”, his wife is trapped home, she loses her intellectual sharpness and hardly dresses up because let’s face it nobody dresses cute at home, the man sees other women outside and starts comparing them to his wife, he starts looking out for other women to satisfy “his needs”.
There are three types of husbands.1. The helpers; those that would push up their wives and help them reach heights because they know a win for her is a win for them all. 2. The Judas; this set of husbands shun their responsibilities as soon as they see that the woman has started earning. They do everything in their power to ensure that the woman does not have a lot of cash. 3. The Goliaths; this group is the actual pepper group. They just won’t give you space to progress. They want you to ask them for everything. They must be the “men” of the family.
The Judas and Goliaths are those who eventually look out for side chics who have the “it” factor. Mind you, these are the same men who have painstakingly shrunk their wives to their lowest potentials. Before marriage, these wives used to be just like the girls their husbands are chasing. In situations where the women were not financially independent or as educated upon marriage, these men have gotten to a stage where they can actually mold their wives to suit their status. A little literacy here, self-grooming there…. Then poof! You’ve gotten your dream girl who can excite you on different levels. Who small make up and lafa nor fit help?
There is nothing more beautiful than saying “that’s my wife!” to a group of awestruck admirers. Just picture this; you visit an award ceremony, your wife’s name, along with all her achievements is mentioned, everyone is dying to have a conversation with her but YOU ULTIMATELY get to take her home. When people are struggling to get a minute of her attention, you have her all to yourself. You get to experience and bask in her magic every time. There is no snooping around, hiding your phone, checking your clothes for lipstick stains, hurting your family, making your wife have regrets… There is none of that!
There is just you loving your wife unapologetically and wholly. There is just you looking at your wife admiringly and thinking of just how lucky you are to have scored such a damsel.



  1. When I received this in my mail I thought it would be a very controversial post. I had to read it instantly. You write well, and you taught me a lot. Thank you, Amanda.

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