AM I ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS

Dear God,

Where do I start from? How do I even begin to tell this tale? Are you disappointed in me? They say your love is infinite and as the sea, it flows and roars and billows and then, calm, peace, strength,beauty, light. Is that who you truly are? If I’ve been crafted in your very image, then is that the love you have carefully bestowed in me also? Will I always receive peace and strength? Am I asking so many questions?

I’ve had and continue to have so many songs of praise and adoration for you, for your greatness, your kindness, your love and your care. But sometimes, just sometimes, I’m unable to resist the temptation to ask, do you know me? Do you see me? I know you have a plan for me but how can I know it? Will you tell me? How will you tell me? How will I know it? Am I asking too many questions?

Over two decades I’ve watched carefully how I’ve blossomed into an amazing young lady. Every minute of every hour, each day I’ve watched how you’ve led the way. How your arms have wrapped my soul up into a bundle of light, hope, joy, brightness and a firm example of faith for my own life and for the lives of others. I’ve been extremely lucky to have found the message of your Restored gospel in my early years and I am forever indebted to you for the teachings, the guidance, that has shaped who I am into who you intentionally formed me to be. I realized early enough that every lesson I am to learn through this mortal journey, it has been your purpose to make me learn it the hard way. Maybe it is not your purpose, but I want to know why? Why do I learn each lesson the hard way? The lesson of trust, lessons of hope, lessons of love, lessons of forgiveness, lessons of faith in you, in your plans for my life, in your directions, lessons? Lessons. Why do you watch as I stumble and trip over and fall? Is it to make me stronger, is it to make me learn in such a way as to never forget? Am I asking too many questions?

I hear my tears laugh at me sometimes. The loneliness, the depression, the vile thoughts that occupy my mind. Life screaming at me to get lost and my ever calm response, a plan to leave it alone. The details of my life show me who I am destined to be. The pain I have overcome, with the strength and peace of mind you have blessed me with, makes me know that you will tell me which way to go. But why is it so hard to hear your voice sometimes? The vibrations all around me make it hard to hear your voice so this is a gentle plea, could you speak louder? Will you save me? From myself? From all the cares in the world? Or at least could you still give me strength to push through hour by hour,till it’s finally done, in your own time? Will you still be my Redeemer? Then why don’t you speak louder? Am I asking too many questions?

Friends have come and gone, supporters have come and gone, but you remain a firm foundation, rock of ages, and I will hide myself in thee. If ever my doubts mislead me I want to hear your voice. If ever pain distracts my view as it settles upon thee, I want you to gently guide my thoughts and move my searching eyes upon your throne again where greatness rests effortlessly. Help me be brave. Help me be happy regardless of the vibrations in and outside of me.

They say your love is infinite and as the sea, it flows and roars and billows and then, calm, peace, strength,beauty, light. Will you help me accept love? Will you help me to give love in its purest form? Will you help me? Am I asking so many questions?

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